It is personal … let me start with a story to give you some context …
I recall at my end-of-school interview with the career’s counsellor, speaking about wanting to study psychology. I was told I didn’t have the maths for it and given there wasn’t much of a future in that field, it wasn’t the course for me. Trusting another knew me better than myself, I took the university path recommended … marketing & economics.
A couple of university degrees later, an international corporate career, a foreign language under my belt, lots of caring for others, I experienced an identity crisis. I sought some therapy at this time, but not until I had experienced a later period of my own chronic ill-health and a mental collapse - I finally asked for help and really engaged.
After lots of rest, support, therapy and yoga I returned to what I knew. I knew I wanted to explore the human condition. I went back to university to become a psychotherapist.
Studying (again!!), doing placement and being a mother to a young family was a tough gig. But with lots of support we all got through … just!
Fast forward to today and many years on, I have had thousands of hours sitting with people in their distress. What strikes me is the consistency of presentation.
Many clients describe experiences that hint at early childhood emotional neglect.They may -
- describe struggle & confusion in relationships
- have limited language around emotion
- are people pleasers and struggle with boundaries
- experience burn-out
- blame themselves for not feeling happier
- feel shame for being secretly flawed & struggle to ask for help
Often in childhood these clients have experienced emotional miss-attunement between parent and child. This can occur when the parent tends to - ignore, dismiss, admonish or make light of a child’s ‘less desirable’ emotions - hurt, fear, confusion, sadness, guilt, grief anger or loss.
This failure to respond in an emotionally attuned way, can lead to the child developing a belief that their feelings and they – do not exist, do not matter and are something to hide. Later in life this can result in the person undervaluing their own experiences and struggling to attend to their own feelings and the feelings of others.
In truth, there are no ‘desirable’ or ‘less desirable’ emotions. All emotions have a place. And all emotions do best when attended to.
So, in answer to “Why The Calm Store?”, I have worked to create a place of permission for experience, that invites us to connect and attend to ourselves and others that are important to us in our lives.The Calm Store is a place of healing, where I invite you to:
- pay more attention to your own emotions and experiences, learning to give language and honour what is there for you
- show yourself that you matter, by taking time to care for self
- let go of feeling that there is something flawed in self, by treating self with kindness and compassion
In doing this for ourselves, we are then in a place to give and share with others from a place of abundance. Unlike when we give from emptiness which can lead to resentment and burnout in relationships, giving from this place of fullness can enhance relationships and help others to find permission to give more fully to themselves.
Early on this piece, you may recall, I trusted another knew me better than myself, struggling with boundaries and giving a lot, I worked hard at being everything for everyone else, leading to ill-health and mental collapse …
I started The Calm Store from a place of both self-knowing and from a place of therapeutic knowledge. I have travelled this path too as a human being and as a psychotherapist with many others just like you.
The Calm Store is place for you, it is a place for me, it is a place for all of us.
I invite you to take time each day to be with self, notice what is there, give language to it and care for yourself in meaningful ways. And along the way if you can give this gift of self-care to another, know that you are doing them a great service in life.
Love Sarah xx