Today I became upset at one of my children, for something that really had no relevance.
Does this make me an imposter, as I work as a therapist and the founder of a store proclaiming the benefits of a mindful purposeful life?
No, it makes me human. A perfectly messy human.
Finding my path … some days with a spring in my step, and other days exhausted and confused.
Just like you, I drink coffee (decaf these days), enjoy wine and savour dark chocolate. I love flowers from my garden, fresh herbs in my cooking, and sun-dried sheets on my bed. My most favourite thing of all though is to have my children around me.
Yet tomorrow, our youngest leaves. She will be gone and uncontactable for 3 weeks. As I sit with the angry part of me that lashed my child earlier, the tears immediately follow. I recognise the feeling inside is not anger, but sadness.
I will miss her. Will she be ok?
Goodbyes can be hard to say. Fear can be powerful.
Letting go of the most precious beings in our lives, is not easy to do. It can challenge our identity, and force us to sit with our own experience.
Today my sadness came out the wrong way and triggered some parts that still carry pain from my past.
I light a candle, make a pot of herbal tea and journal.
Then I take a walk, with the dogs in the warm spring light.
I return with jasmine in hand and go to my daughter’s room to let her know that I am sorry for how I behaved, that I will miss her and that I love her very much.
We have a long warm hug.
I let my parts know that rose up to let me know that they are struggling, that I will continue to pay attention, and I will take extra special care of myself over the coming days.
I book a yoga class with a friend, plan a special farewell meal, and envision time for a bath tonight.
The anger transforms to a place of nurturing calm.
Yes, I will miss my daughter. But I trust she will come home a stronger more complete human for the experience beyond me.
As you can, make space for your pain and your imperfections. It is in our relationship with these parts of ourselves, that can bring us so much healing.
Healing for ourselves, and healing for those in our lives.
Find a moment to be with you today. It could be more powerful than you think.
I love this letter and the message it brings to all of us, to be kind and understanding to all the parts inside ourselves.
Thank you Sarah for this very real story you shared and the gentle reminder it brings. XX